"You do. What you tell me about in the nights. That is not love. That is only passion and lust. When you love you wish to do things for. You wish to sacrifice for. You wish to serve."
-e. hemmingway
i am so
confused.
1 and 1/2 years later today was the last day of my internship. pretty crazy. interesting, shattering, and through thousands of rebirths there has been some sort of dynamic shift, though it hasnt completely developed im in quite and interesting place.
how is it i have learned so much about you- the things you dont "know"- i, understanding how much more there is to know, finding everyone to be exceedingly retarded. reminds me of the einstein quote. more or less. it is really becoming an annoyance to my personal happiness being so disgusted by certain human behavior and how far away we have come from knowing ourselves and others by allowing this infestation of distraction take over our lives.
i think you all need to buck the fuck up, grab your balls or knockers and stop being such a pussy. there are worse things out there. but it seems so many are so self consumed. you cowards. pft.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Monday, November 30, 2009
"youth is wasted on the young"
perhaps. though i cant help but have two different viewpoints. this inner conflict of truth, though its not really; maybe instead it is a matter of free will or maybe it is free will vs. predetermination. my train of thought, though intelligible to me seems to not be able to find the language to describe emotion or feeling. i've been youtubing waking life for the past 2 hours (in which time i could have watched the whole movie again, which is something i have been meaning to do as i find in life somehow you relate in different ways, understanding themes/subjects in a different light/perspective as you gain experience and grow) and coming back from these tangents i have a tendency to divert upon here is what i mean about language:
and so anyhow, what is it then that led george bernard shaw to make such a statement? could it be true? does the angst and for the most part horrific events (if you are so lucky to experience them, seriously, which is what i present as the very dilemma) of the collaboration of past events and experiences which created ones experience of adolescents and young adulthood hold you back? has the time been wasted away in melancholy and distress? have we gone so far beyond reality, what the world has to offer, what we have to offer that our youth has been wasted? the experience deemed unworthy and implied as a shame? to a certain extent in looking at this from the perspective george over here, yes we are at our peak of physical fitness/stamina, the world is always at our fingertips although we push this to the side and focus soley on our own fables of life that we believe at the time to revolve around ourselves- but what about the experience? how could it have been "wasted"? its true that perhaps we dwell too long, we dont know much about life yet, maybe we havent grown "wise" yet but such is the beauty of life, no?
i have found my greatest strengths come from my greatest sorrows. my courage from the lack their of, my soul and spirit from not giving a shit, my respect from having none, my love from being without, the beauty of life from watching death... has this not made me grow? is this experience to be considered something that was a waste of my time? should i have become another one of those people? someone who has nothing and only adds to the populace?
youth is not wasted on the young; it is true if we had more life experience we probably would have taken more advantage of our youthful days but here's the deal... we dont. point being, how can something that is so intricately woven as something human (experience in whatever form) ever be wasted at all? and i think this is where self determination and free will kicks in. it seems to me that the concept of predetermination can be all of the events and experiences where one has no control over the situation- you have simply done what you can, it did/didnt work for whatever reason and no matter how hard you push it is like the universe is slapping you in the face with a big fuckin NO in the end. that maybe can be predetermination (im not g-d, i dont know and anyone who will tell you they do is completely disillusioned or has a false sense of security they hold onto so as to not take responsibility for ones actions. the fact of the matter is, we have these experiences where there is absolutely nothing you can do about it except for ONE IMPORTANT CONCEPT: you can always learn. now here is where you either become like all those other mindless people in the world or when you make probably one of the most significant changes in your life. from everything we see as a curse there is a blessing, the opportunity to learn, to grow, and to change. this is free will- this is where your universe, the reality you create for yourself manifests.
the real question stands:
what will you choose?
and
was it worth it?
hint: the answer is “Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known.” and absolutely.
and so anyhow, what is it then that led george bernard shaw to make such a statement? could it be true? does the angst and for the most part horrific events (if you are so lucky to experience them, seriously, which is what i present as the very dilemma) of the collaboration of past events and experiences which created ones experience of adolescents and young adulthood hold you back? has the time been wasted away in melancholy and distress? have we gone so far beyond reality, what the world has to offer, what we have to offer that our youth has been wasted? the experience deemed unworthy and implied as a shame? to a certain extent in looking at this from the perspective george over here, yes we are at our peak of physical fitness/stamina, the world is always at our fingertips although we push this to the side and focus soley on our own fables of life that we believe at the time to revolve around ourselves- but what about the experience? how could it have been "wasted"? its true that perhaps we dwell too long, we dont know much about life yet, maybe we havent grown "wise" yet but such is the beauty of life, no?
i have found my greatest strengths come from my greatest sorrows. my courage from the lack their of, my soul and spirit from not giving a shit, my respect from having none, my love from being without, the beauty of life from watching death... has this not made me grow? is this experience to be considered something that was a waste of my time? should i have become another one of those people? someone who has nothing and only adds to the populace?
youth is not wasted on the young; it is true if we had more life experience we probably would have taken more advantage of our youthful days but here's the deal... we dont. point being, how can something that is so intricately woven as something human (experience in whatever form) ever be wasted at all? and i think this is where self determination and free will kicks in. it seems to me that the concept of predetermination can be all of the events and experiences where one has no control over the situation- you have simply done what you can, it did/didnt work for whatever reason and no matter how hard you push it is like the universe is slapping you in the face with a big fuckin NO in the end. that maybe can be predetermination (im not g-d, i dont know and anyone who will tell you they do is completely disillusioned or has a false sense of security they hold onto so as to not take responsibility for ones actions. the fact of the matter is, we have these experiences where there is absolutely nothing you can do about it except for ONE IMPORTANT CONCEPT: you can always learn. now here is where you either become like all those other mindless people in the world or when you make probably one of the most significant changes in your life. from everything we see as a curse there is a blessing, the opportunity to learn, to grow, and to change. this is free will- this is where your universe, the reality you create for yourself manifests.
the real question stands:
what will you choose?
and
was it worth it?
hint: the answer is “Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known.” and absolutely.
a conviction
“I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.”
Saturday, October 31, 2009
right?
im feeling somewhat confused or rather at a loss im not really quite sure what is going on its like the days are blurred together and every one i say well tomorrow, well tomorrow and then tomorrow is here and then it becomes yesterday and now i just keep going thinking about these sorts of things about not smoking cigarettes standing on my porch debating myself when i give in anyway in t he swiftest motion. when language stops you can just go go go and not think or do. im really very tired.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Great Spirit Prayer:
"Oh, Great Spirit, whose voice I hear in the wind,
Whose breath gives life to all the world.
Hear me; I need your strength and wisdom.
Let me walk in beauty, and make my eyes ever behold the red and purple sunset.
Make my hands respect the things you have made and my ears sharp to hear your voice
Make me wise so that I may understand the things you have taught my people.
Help me to remain calm and strong in the face of all that comes towards me.
Let me learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock.
Help me seek pure thoughts and act with the intention of helping others.
Help me find compassion without empathy overwhelming me.
I seek strength, not to be greater than my brother, but to fight my greatest enemy
Myself.
Make me always ready to come to you with clean hands and straight eyes.
So when life fades, as the fading sunset, my spirit may come to you without shame."
Sunday, September 27, 2009
if i have ever done anything to hurt you
please find it in your heart to forgive me for i am truly and utterly beyond words, sorry.
“You can't undo anything you've already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest.”
“How does one know if she has forgiven? You tend to feel sorrow over the circumstance instead of rage, you tend to feel sorry for the person rather than angry with him. You tend to have nothing left to say about it all.”
“You can't undo anything you've already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest.”
“How does one know if she has forgiven? You tend to feel sorrow over the circumstance instead of rage, you tend to feel sorry for the person rather than angry with him. You tend to have nothing left to say about it all.”
keep on believing:
everything is alive so that I can be alive:
without moving I can see it all:
in your life I see everything that lives.
without moving I can see it all:
in your life I see everything that lives.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
when did you forget you were a flower?
"Elizabeth's voice had a door in it. When you opened that door you found another door, and that door opened yet another door. All the doors were nice and led out of her."
Friday, August 28, 2009
communication is not verbal-
today was my last official day of work at the long island Alzheimer's foundation. though i will most likely be staying with them for my internship this coming year i cant help but interpret all of this as something so much larger than what it seems to be to the typical human eye. this summer has, actually this 21st year ....7+7+7:
(In the Hebrew, seven ([b'v, - Sheh'-bah) is from a root word meaning to be complete or full. This can be clearly seen from the first time a varient of this word is used in the Bible..God rested on the seventh day because his work of creation was complete, entire, perfect. Thus seven represents this perfect completeness and also it represents rest, as in the rest that is taken from work. It is from this same word that the Sabbath, the day of rest comes. But as well as this spiritual perfection, seven seems also to be used in another way in scripture. Patterns of sevens run through the scripture more abundantly than any other number. Where patterns of other numbers run through a scripture it is often symbolic of something to do with that number, however patterns of seven about all through scripture to the extent that it could be seen as being a part of God's seal that the writing is indeed scripture. Thus seven might also be known as the number of God's seal. God rested on the seventh day because his work of creation was complete, entire, perfect. Thus seven represents this perfect completeness and also it represents rest, as in the rest that is taken from work. It is from this same word that the Sabbath, the day of rest comes. But as well as this spiritual perfection, seven seems also to be used in another way in scripture. seven is of course Spiritual perfection and so adequately represents the holy Spirit itself. seven is symbolically the seal of God in scripture and in the believer as well)
so getting back to my train of thought, this year has been almost an ending to the chapter of the first period of my life and is now taking on a completely different form (though with its background and past experiences) and developing into a whole different level of consciousness.
working at the foundation has not only helped my realize my healing in the physical realm but in the spiritual realm as well. its almost as if it has given me the greatest gift i have ever received (which is true that helping someone who will never be able to repay you is probably the best thing you can ever do, not only for the humility of it, but for yourself as well).
it is most interesting to me, that the people who are closer to death become more "real" because there is no time for nonsense, which is something i have understood my whole life.. and not nonsense in the fun nonsensical kind of way, but in the way of pretending to be someone you are not, or putting on a facade, or falling farther away from your essence for whatever reason you deem necessary. i suppose since my mother was ill this had all become very real to me at an early age and i have matured in that sense much faster than most people my age. if we release our ego, the negative aspects of the ego i mean, we become real and more tangible though people who have not experienced this will see it as more illusory it is only because they are living in their own illusion of how the world is and how they should be- when in reality all you have to be is completely yourself, that is what makes everyone a piece of the divine. it is hard for most i assume, as it has been a very tumultuous ride for me as well to get rid of this "ego" and perhaps not completely but to the extent where you develop this deeper understanding and you become more kind and compassionate not only to others but yourself as well because you really in your heart of hearts want everyone who is suffering to have this slice of heaven that is indeed in their grasp but so far out of their vision.
and so what im trying to say is when you communicate with someone, and i mean really communicate, you dont even really have to say anything at all- all you have to do is be comfortable with who you are and trust your inner knowing because that is all that is truth. in turn people (ie: my clients) feel this energy and love and compassion and words lose most of their meaning and instead we dance in this sort of energetic and spiritual realm unbeknownst to many humans who are too caught up in themselves and their own intimate lives that they will rarely experience this sort of larger than life beauty that is there if they just pay attention!
i find that i get along so well with older people, and i mean older, because they have already experienced this sort of beauty even if it took them 80 years to learn, we bond in this sort of "knowing". dont get me wrong i work with 80 year old people who still have no sense of it... but i can only feel sorry and love them anyway because they have never been able to experience this divinity.
this reminds me of a sentence in the book Of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera where he explains that things of delicate nature hold such beauty... i wish i had the exact quotation but i lent the book to jessica who is thoroughly enjoying it... and so rather i will leave this quotation instead:
"All human things of dearest value hang on slender strings"
-Edmund Waller.
above all else, always always trust yourself;
once you do, all of these things fall into place, you meet certain people, they say certain things, somehow you connect and communicate even when it seems impossible and, and, its all just so magical.
i met this boy about 6 years ago on the dock by the beach while i was reading a book. he was taking out his canoe and asked me if i wanted to go for a ride; i said yes, knowing somehow this moment was supposed to happen and he rowed us all the way across the bay to this beautiful country club... i gave him my number knowing he was interested and that i would probably never call (something in my young days when i felt too guilty to just say no) anyway, we ran into each other last week at the same spot at the same beach, and i remembered him... after brief conversation, and him asking me for a ride (rather, bringing up the fact that i indeed never did respond to his phone calls, and making me feel bad, though i didnt mind helping him out anyway) we walked to my car... i told him how i remembered how different he was, how exceedingly intelligent and how behind his new style consisting of a danzig shit, long blonde hair, and a sick metal goatee i hoped he hadnt lost it. after he told me that sometimes things are said a little too late he looked at me and said:
"just remember one thing: whenever in doubt, always go left; never go right."
and im pretty sure this was all in the plan 6 years ago when i was reading my book, he said hello, and i got on a little canoe...
i ask you this: how can you not love this world?
(In the Hebrew, seven ([b'v, - Sheh'-bah) is from a root word meaning to be complete or full. This can be clearly seen from the first time a varient of this word is used in the Bible..God rested on the seventh day because his work of creation was complete, entire, perfect. Thus seven represents this perfect completeness and also it represents rest, as in the rest that is taken from work. It is from this same word that the Sabbath, the day of rest comes. But as well as this spiritual perfection, seven seems also to be used in another way in scripture. Patterns of sevens run through the scripture more abundantly than any other number. Where patterns of other numbers run through a scripture it is often symbolic of something to do with that number, however patterns of seven about all through scripture to the extent that it could be seen as being a part of God's seal that the writing is indeed scripture. Thus seven might also be known as the number of God's seal. God rested on the seventh day because his work of creation was complete, entire, perfect. Thus seven represents this perfect completeness and also it represents rest, as in the rest that is taken from work. It is from this same word that the Sabbath, the day of rest comes. But as well as this spiritual perfection, seven seems also to be used in another way in scripture. seven is of course Spiritual perfection and so adequately represents the holy Spirit itself. seven is symbolically the seal of God in scripture and in the believer as well)
so getting back to my train of thought, this year has been almost an ending to the chapter of the first period of my life and is now taking on a completely different form (though with its background and past experiences) and developing into a whole different level of consciousness.
working at the foundation has not only helped my realize my healing in the physical realm but in the spiritual realm as well. its almost as if it has given me the greatest gift i have ever received (which is true that helping someone who will never be able to repay you is probably the best thing you can ever do, not only for the humility of it, but for yourself as well).
it is most interesting to me, that the people who are closer to death become more "real" because there is no time for nonsense, which is something i have understood my whole life.. and not nonsense in the fun nonsensical kind of way, but in the way of pretending to be someone you are not, or putting on a facade, or falling farther away from your essence for whatever reason you deem necessary. i suppose since my mother was ill this had all become very real to me at an early age and i have matured in that sense much faster than most people my age. if we release our ego, the negative aspects of the ego i mean, we become real and more tangible though people who have not experienced this will see it as more illusory it is only because they are living in their own illusion of how the world is and how they should be- when in reality all you have to be is completely yourself, that is what makes everyone a piece of the divine. it is hard for most i assume, as it has been a very tumultuous ride for me as well to get rid of this "ego" and perhaps not completely but to the extent where you develop this deeper understanding and you become more kind and compassionate not only to others but yourself as well because you really in your heart of hearts want everyone who is suffering to have this slice of heaven that is indeed in their grasp but so far out of their vision.
and so what im trying to say is when you communicate with someone, and i mean really communicate, you dont even really have to say anything at all- all you have to do is be comfortable with who you are and trust your inner knowing because that is all that is truth. in turn people (ie: my clients) feel this energy and love and compassion and words lose most of their meaning and instead we dance in this sort of energetic and spiritual realm unbeknownst to many humans who are too caught up in themselves and their own intimate lives that they will rarely experience this sort of larger than life beauty that is there if they just pay attention!
i find that i get along so well with older people, and i mean older, because they have already experienced this sort of beauty even if it took them 80 years to learn, we bond in this sort of "knowing". dont get me wrong i work with 80 year old people who still have no sense of it... but i can only feel sorry and love them anyway because they have never been able to experience this divinity.
this reminds me of a sentence in the book Of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera where he explains that things of delicate nature hold such beauty... i wish i had the exact quotation but i lent the book to jessica who is thoroughly enjoying it... and so rather i will leave this quotation instead:
"All human things of dearest value hang on slender strings"
-Edmund Waller.
above all else, always always trust yourself;
once you do, all of these things fall into place, you meet certain people, they say certain things, somehow you connect and communicate even when it seems impossible and, and, its all just so magical.
i met this boy about 6 years ago on the dock by the beach while i was reading a book. he was taking out his canoe and asked me if i wanted to go for a ride; i said yes, knowing somehow this moment was supposed to happen and he rowed us all the way across the bay to this beautiful country club... i gave him my number knowing he was interested and that i would probably never call (something in my young days when i felt too guilty to just say no) anyway, we ran into each other last week at the same spot at the same beach, and i remembered him... after brief conversation, and him asking me for a ride (rather, bringing up the fact that i indeed never did respond to his phone calls, and making me feel bad, though i didnt mind helping him out anyway) we walked to my car... i told him how i remembered how different he was, how exceedingly intelligent and how behind his new style consisting of a danzig shit, long blonde hair, and a sick metal goatee i hoped he hadnt lost it. after he told me that sometimes things are said a little too late he looked at me and said:
"just remember one thing: whenever in doubt, always go left; never go right."
and im pretty sure this was all in the plan 6 years ago when i was reading my book, he said hello, and i got on a little canoe...
i ask you this: how can you not love this world?
Friday, July 31, 2009
?
and he said, "blah blah blah, blah blah." and i said "FUCK YOU." and he thought, nothing- and i thought, long; long and hard.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
synchronicity.
i follow footsteps to the Water-
it seems i have been here before
the sounds of hushed voices reach shore and fall back to their homes.
we speak like this.
moving in and out of Ourselves-
watching vultures soar
and prey we are if we aren’t aware.
we find ourselves in communications of spirit.
a breeze gliding through the forest
fustling leaves and psychedelic pupil dilated rapture.
we feel it against our skins like an answered prayer;
a glimpse of truth.
fluid and life are abstract in my underwater world-
there is nothing, (not even weight)
and these shoulders are light and strong and agile
and my essance is that of Hers and We unify and She brings me under Her velvet cloak.
We make love like this
We become each other and G-d is smiling.
i float on my back,
She lulls me to sleep in this kind of motion and my voice collides to shore.
someone else has heard me.
it seems she has been here before.
(a bit of editing needed, but really almost quite there)
it seems i have been here before
the sounds of hushed voices reach shore and fall back to their homes.
we speak like this.
moving in and out of Ourselves-
watching vultures soar
and prey we are if we aren’t aware.
we find ourselves in communications of spirit.
a breeze gliding through the forest
fustling leaves and psychedelic pupil dilated rapture.
we feel it against our skins like an answered prayer;
a glimpse of truth.
fluid and life are abstract in my underwater world-
there is nothing, (not even weight)
and these shoulders are light and strong and agile
and my essance is that of Hers and We unify and She brings me under Her velvet cloak.
We make love like this
We become each other and G-d is smiling.
i float on my back,
She lulls me to sleep in this kind of motion and my voice collides to shore.
someone else has heard me.
it seems she has been here before.
(a bit of editing needed, but really almost quite there)
who gives a shit. thats the real answer.
you teach me these lessons through specific people and its like this crazy beautiful synchronized thing. being disappointed in someone, "i thought you were...". even the people we respect become so very human when they aren't fully aware. we wonder, "how could this be?" and after much consideration and silence and smoke we come to realizations. "it does not work because..." and we are relieved of our burning ego's and distractions and the anxiety was for nothing and everything was nothing but it was just so beautiful to epiphanize (yup making up my own words) and grow. another stage. a hight level of consciousness. glory glory hallelujah.
Friday, July 10, 2009
the universe: a provider
so it goes something like this: if you put the intention out there, i mean really pure intention that isn't driven really by the ego, rather, the essence/soul the universe becomes your true provider.
on another note, i really enjoy my job- i couldn't even ask for a better one at the moment. its like the job title is just "be yourself linda" aha. all i have to do is really love them all (which is both energizing and draining). which led me to this sort of small epiphany tonight:
i was driving back towards roslyn dropping sharon off at her house and we were listening to this one song in particular (lived in bars by cat power) telling her these days its been my favorite song, how its so fun and wonderful and lyrically beautiful even though her words are depressing... you're happy and your sad and you feel everything
(and then a glimpse of the meditation retreat comes back and you remember her saying something along the lines of how when you are happy if you are completely present at the same conscious moment you see what is sad vice versa... how this is harmony)
somehow these thoughts ran through my head and it came together with the music and i realized i was feeling every emotion at the same time, continuously- and i felt, so very very alive.
on another note, i really enjoy my job- i couldn't even ask for a better one at the moment. its like the job title is just "be yourself linda" aha. all i have to do is really love them all (which is both energizing and draining). which led me to this sort of small epiphany tonight:
i was driving back towards roslyn dropping sharon off at her house and we were listening to this one song in particular (lived in bars by cat power) telling her these days its been my favorite song, how its so fun and wonderful and lyrically beautiful even though her words are depressing... you're happy and your sad and you feel everything
(and then a glimpse of the meditation retreat comes back and you remember her saying something along the lines of how when you are happy if you are completely present at the same conscious moment you see what is sad vice versa... how this is harmony)
somehow these thoughts ran through my head and it came together with the music and i realized i was feeling every emotion at the same time, continuously- and i felt, so very very alive.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Genesis:
This one at last,
Bone of my bones,
Flesh of my flesh-
i have already taken the bite:
and Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow.
Bone of my bones,
Flesh of my flesh-
i have already taken the bite:
and Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow.
untitled
i confer too much to the echos of my chest cavity-
we dilberate and I say
youre screwing me around,
my voice aint the same.
you speak to me in forms of pressure
a giant lump of mass
taking place of arteries and air and breath
my lungs-
about to collapse.
you rot away in containment.
you settle under concave bones and turbulance and you are screaming and laughing and maniacal in undertones of sobs and wails and
space
and you know no one cares to care
and your hands are only flesh
even touching makes way to a poem.
we dilberate and I say
youre screwing me around,
my voice aint the same.
you speak to me in forms of pressure
a giant lump of mass
taking place of arteries and air and breath
my lungs-
about to collapse.
you rot away in containment.
you settle under concave bones and turbulance and you are screaming and laughing and maniacal in undertones of sobs and wails and
space
and you know no one cares to care
and your hands are only flesh
even touching makes way to a poem.
Monday, May 25, 2009
summer in the city
i've been listening to a lot of regina spektor recently. and so i signed up for this little thing on the internet where you get a positive message in your email everyday and it went as follows:
"If you're really honest, Linda, you have to admit that things today, in your most amazing life, at this most amazing time in history, are far better than they've ever, ever been."
how cute is that?! and in all honesty i have never, ever, been happier. if only more people knew their power and the power of the universe... new perspectives can completely change youre life.
hoping youre just as happy-
"If you're really honest, Linda, you have to admit that things today, in your most amazing life, at this most amazing time in history, are far better than they've ever, ever been."
how cute is that?! and in all honesty i have never, ever, been happier. if only more people knew their power and the power of the universe... new perspectives can completely change youre life.
hoping youre just as happy-
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
all by myself
contrary to the song lyrics i really enjoy spending time with myself. i forgot how fun i was. i went to see the soloist tonight- it was alright; the concept was really great but i think they could have delved into the character more. the music was phenomenal though. there were only about 6 other people in the theatre which was nice. id really like to go to the orchestra. i suppose since my summer has officially started, i can find sometime to go. and so i was telling myself i wanted to start playing the violin again and to put off the procrastination i would just go and play at the beach. i think it sounds like a great idea.
nothing left to say,
linda
nothing left to say,
linda
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
one more week
i wish you all saw in me what i see in myself.
ha!
what a funny form of conceit.
not conceit,
i think,
just;
clarity.
today was fun. i went out with danielle de barbarac. nicole de loncre; whatever. i have to wake up in less than five hours and go to my last day at my internship... though i spoke to my field advisor and she told me she would find out if the nassau correctional facility (jail) has any social work internships for next semester! i can only hope so much that i get it. i also hopefully (fingers crossed) am setting up another open mic night- this one is only going to be poetry- at a bar. some 32 year old boy also slapped my cigarette out of my hand, which in turn proved to be a fucking HI larious experience when not a moment later danielle slapped him across the face. do you know what i think is funny? something i think most people dont really understand- the fact that someone could be so upset and agitated and angry at something i do or say when i dont give a shit. being such a wonderful person makes me feel bad that i dont care (the funny part) but sometimes the comedic genius overpowers that and i succumb to a primal earthly desire knowing i am better than everyone else. yup. i said it. i love love love making people feel good- but i (secretly) love love love watching certain people crumble in my hands when they deserve it. im turning into a serious brown person. i love the summer. woo woo yeeeee haw.
ha!
what a funny form of conceit.
not conceit,
i think,
just;
clarity.
today was fun. i went out with danielle de barbarac. nicole de loncre; whatever. i have to wake up in less than five hours and go to my last day at my internship... though i spoke to my field advisor and she told me she would find out if the nassau correctional facility (jail) has any social work internships for next semester! i can only hope so much that i get it. i also hopefully (fingers crossed) am setting up another open mic night- this one is only going to be poetry- at a bar. some 32 year old boy also slapped my cigarette out of my hand, which in turn proved to be a fucking HI larious experience when not a moment later danielle slapped him across the face. do you know what i think is funny? something i think most people dont really understand- the fact that someone could be so upset and agitated and angry at something i do or say when i dont give a shit. being such a wonderful person makes me feel bad that i dont care (the funny part) but sometimes the comedic genius overpowers that and i succumb to a primal earthly desire knowing i am better than everyone else. yup. i said it. i love love love making people feel good- but i (secretly) love love love watching certain people crumble in my hands when they deserve it. im turning into a serious brown person. i love the summer. woo woo yeeeee haw.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
living in disturbia
theres this really great quote from the movie waking life that i think just about sums up this feeling ive been having concerning my disappointments in human beings around the globe and their lack of human-being-ness:
"You can't fight city hall." "Death and taxes." "Don't talk about politics or religion." This is all the equivalent of enemy propaganda, rolling across the picket line. "Lay down, GI! Lay down, GI!". We saw it all through the 20th Century. And now on the 21st Century, it's time to stand up and realize, that we should NOT allow ourselves to be crammed into this rat maze. We should not SUBMIT to dehumanization. I don't know about you, but I'm concerned with what's happening in this world. I'm concerned with the structure. I'm concerned with the systems of control. Those that control my life, and those that seek to control it EVEN MORE! I want FREEDOM! That's what I want, and that's what YOU should want! It's up to each and every one of us to turn loose of just some of the greed, the hatred, the envy, and yes, the insecurities, because that is the central mode of control, make us feel pathetic, small, so we'll willingly give up our sovereignty, our liberty, our destiny. We have GOT to realize we're being conditioned on a mass scale. Start challenging this corporate slave state! The 21st Century's gonna be a new century! Not the century of slavery, not the century of lies and issues of no significance, of classism and statism, and all the rest of the modes of control... it's gonna be the age of humankind, standing up for something PURE and something RIGHT! What a bunch of garbage, liberal, Democratic, conservative, Republican, it's all there to control you, two sides of the same coin! Two management teams, bidding for control of the CEO job of Slavery Incorporated! The TRUTH is out there in front of you, but they lay out this buffet of LIES! I'm SICK of it, and I'M NOT GONNA TAKE A BITE OUT OF IT! DO YA GOT ME? Resistance is NOT futile, we're gonna win this thing, humankind is too good, WE'RE NOT A BUNCH OF UNDERACHIEVERS, WE'RE GONNA STAND UP, AND WE'RE GONNA BE HUMAN BEINGS! WE'RE GONNA GET FIRED UP ABOUT THE REAL THINGS, THE THINGS THAT MATTER - CREATIVITY, AND THE *DYNAMIC* *HUMAN* *SPIRIT* THAT REFUSES TO *SUBMIT*! WELL THAT'S IT, that's all I've got to say. It's in your court now.
verily, you should watch this:
i dont even know what to say. the whole concept of people who are easily brainwashed sickens me- i dont even think sicken is the right word, there is no word for it except to say id rather die than be around for that to happen- thats not true, id probably work some crazy underground job to have humans become real again... and then i would probably be assassinated.
sometimes i think i am one of the very very few who can grasp the concept of truth, and that the fate/weight of the world rests on my shoulders.
also, has anyone read the unbearable lightness of being? if not you should- you close the book and wonder what the point was and then realize you are still thinking about it 3 weeks later- it resonates. anyway, what i want to know is, for those of you who have read it, in the beginning they talk of beethovens piece, Der schwer gefasste Entschluss translated to "the difficult or weighty solution" does anyone have access to this or can download it and send it my way- i have been trying to no avail. i think the title is actually opus 135 in F major.
"The weighty resolution is at one
with the voice of Fate (`Es muss sein!'); necessity, weight, and value are three concepts
inextricably bound: only necessity is heavy, and only what is heavy has value. (33) "-carey henson literary review
i love pain. not in that creepy way, but in the way that it is so beautiful. everything "heavy" is what makes you a better person, what makes you more real and human and most importantly makes you grow as a person. i think if everyone appreciated what they have experienced more and left out the bitterness it can be a very spiritual experience. you will never know happiness if you never experience true suffering- yin and yang- and all of those other things concerning balance. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO KNOW- i thirst for it.
on another note, i pulled some muscles in my rib cage or something, it hurts.
"You can't fight city hall." "Death and taxes." "Don't talk about politics or religion." This is all the equivalent of enemy propaganda, rolling across the picket line. "Lay down, GI! Lay down, GI!". We saw it all through the 20th Century. And now on the 21st Century, it's time to stand up and realize, that we should NOT allow ourselves to be crammed into this rat maze. We should not SUBMIT to dehumanization. I don't know about you, but I'm concerned with what's happening in this world. I'm concerned with the structure. I'm concerned with the systems of control. Those that control my life, and those that seek to control it EVEN MORE! I want FREEDOM! That's what I want, and that's what YOU should want! It's up to each and every one of us to turn loose of just some of the greed, the hatred, the envy, and yes, the insecurities, because that is the central mode of control, make us feel pathetic, small, so we'll willingly give up our sovereignty, our liberty, our destiny. We have GOT to realize we're being conditioned on a mass scale. Start challenging this corporate slave state! The 21st Century's gonna be a new century! Not the century of slavery, not the century of lies and issues of no significance, of classism and statism, and all the rest of the modes of control... it's gonna be the age of humankind, standing up for something PURE and something RIGHT! What a bunch of garbage, liberal, Democratic, conservative, Republican, it's all there to control you, two sides of the same coin! Two management teams, bidding for control of the CEO job of Slavery Incorporated! The TRUTH is out there in front of you, but they lay out this buffet of LIES! I'm SICK of it, and I'M NOT GONNA TAKE A BITE OUT OF IT! DO YA GOT ME? Resistance is NOT futile, we're gonna win this thing, humankind is too good, WE'RE NOT A BUNCH OF UNDERACHIEVERS, WE'RE GONNA STAND UP, AND WE'RE GONNA BE HUMAN BEINGS! WE'RE GONNA GET FIRED UP ABOUT THE REAL THINGS, THE THINGS THAT MATTER - CREATIVITY, AND THE *DYNAMIC* *HUMAN* *SPIRIT* THAT REFUSES TO *SUBMIT*! WELL THAT'S IT, that's all I've got to say. It's in your court now.
verily, you should watch this:
i dont even know what to say. the whole concept of people who are easily brainwashed sickens me- i dont even think sicken is the right word, there is no word for it except to say id rather die than be around for that to happen- thats not true, id probably work some crazy underground job to have humans become real again... and then i would probably be assassinated.
sometimes i think i am one of the very very few who can grasp the concept of truth, and that the fate/weight of the world rests on my shoulders.
also, has anyone read the unbearable lightness of being? if not you should- you close the book and wonder what the point was and then realize you are still thinking about it 3 weeks later- it resonates. anyway, what i want to know is, for those of you who have read it, in the beginning they talk of beethovens piece, Der schwer gefasste Entschluss translated to "the difficult or weighty solution" does anyone have access to this or can download it and send it my way- i have been trying to no avail. i think the title is actually opus 135 in F major.
"The weighty resolution is at one
with the voice of Fate (`Es muss sein!'); necessity, weight, and value are three concepts
inextricably bound: only necessity is heavy, and only what is heavy has value. (33) "-carey henson literary review
i love pain. not in that creepy way, but in the way that it is so beautiful. everything "heavy" is what makes you a better person, what makes you more real and human and most importantly makes you grow as a person. i think if everyone appreciated what they have experienced more and left out the bitterness it can be a very spiritual experience. you will never know happiness if you never experience true suffering- yin and yang- and all of those other things concerning balance. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO KNOW- i thirst for it.
on another note, i pulled some muscles in my rib cage or something, it hurts.
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