communication is not verbal-

today was my last official day of work at the long island Alzheimer's foundation. though i will most likely be staying with them for my internship this coming year i cant help but interpret all of this as something so much larger than what it seems to be to the typical human eye. this summer has, actually this 21st year ....7+7+7:

(In the Hebrew, seven ([b'v, - Sheh'-bah) is from a root word meaning to be complete or full. This can be clearly seen from the first time a varient of this word is used in the Bible..God rested on the seventh day because his work of creation was complete, entire, perfect. Thus seven represents this perfect completeness and also it represents rest, as in the rest that is taken from work. It is from this same word that the Sabbath, the day of rest comes. But as well as this spiritual perfection, seven seems also to be used in another way in scripture. Patterns of sevens run through the scripture more abundantly than any other number. Where patterns of other numbers run through a scripture it is often symbolic of something to do with that number, however patterns of seven about all through scripture to the extent that it could be seen as being a part of God's seal that the writing is indeed scripture. Thus seven might also be known as the number of God's seal. God rested on the seventh day because his work of creation was complete, entire, perfect. Thus seven represents this perfect completeness and also it represents rest, as in the rest that is taken from work. It is from this same word that the Sabbath, the day of rest comes. But as well as this spiritual perfection, seven seems also to be used in another way in scripture. seven is of course Spiritual perfection and so adequately represents the holy Spirit itself. seven is symbolically the seal of God in scripture and in the believer as well)

so getting back to my train of thought, this year has been almost an ending to the chapter of the first period of my life and is now taking on a completely different form (though with its background and past experiences) and developing into a whole different level of consciousness.

working at the foundation has not only helped my realize my healing in the physical realm but in the spiritual realm as well. its almost as if it has given me the greatest gift i have ever received (which is true that helping someone who will never be able to repay you is probably the best thing you can ever do, not only for the humility of it, but for yourself as well).

it is most interesting to me, that the people who are closer to death become more "real" because there is no time for nonsense, which is something i have understood my whole life.. and not nonsense in the fun nonsensical kind of way, but in the way of pretending to be someone you are not, or putting on a facade, or falling farther away from your essence for whatever reason you deem necessary. i suppose since my mother was ill this had all become very real to me at an early age and i have matured in that sense much faster than most people my age. if we release our ego, the negative aspects of the ego i mean, we become real and more tangible though people who have not experienced this will see it as more illusory it is only because they are living in their own illusion of how the world is and how they should be- when in reality all you have to be is completely yourself, that is what makes everyone a piece of the divine. it is hard for most i assume, as it has been a very tumultuous ride for me as well to get rid of this "ego" and perhaps not completely but to the extent where you develop this deeper understanding and you become more kind and compassionate not only to others but yourself as well because you really in your heart of hearts want everyone who is suffering to have this slice of heaven that is indeed in their grasp but so far out of their vision.

and so what im trying to say is when you communicate with someone, and i mean really communicate, you dont even really have to say anything at all- all you have to do is be comfortable with who you are and trust your inner knowing because that is all that is truth. in turn people (ie: my clients) feel this energy and love and compassion and words lose most of their meaning and instead we dance in this sort of energetic and spiritual realm unbeknownst to many humans who are too caught up in themselves and their own intimate lives that they will rarely experience this sort of larger than life beauty that is there if they just pay attention!

i find that i get along so well with older people, and i mean older, because they have already experienced this sort of beauty even if it took them 80 years to learn, we bond in this sort of "knowing". dont get me wrong i work with 80 year old people who still have no sense of it... but i can only feel sorry and love them anyway because they have never been able to experience this divinity.

this reminds me of a sentence in the book Of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera where he explains that things of delicate nature hold such beauty... i wish i had the exact quotation but i lent the book to jessica who is thoroughly enjoying it... and so rather i will leave this quotation instead:

"All human things of dearest value hang on slender strings"
-Edmund Waller.

above all else, always always trust yourself;
once you do, all of these things fall into place, you meet certain people, they say certain things, somehow you connect and communicate even when it seems impossible and, and, its all just so magical.

i met this boy about 6 years ago on the dock by the beach while i was reading a book. he was taking out his canoe and asked me if i wanted to go for a ride; i said yes, knowing somehow this moment was supposed to happen and he rowed us all the way across the bay to this beautiful country club... i gave him my number knowing he was interested and that i would probably never call (something in my young days when i felt too guilty to just say no) anyway, we ran into each other last week at the same spot at the same beach, and i remembered him... after brief conversation, and him asking me for a ride (rather, bringing up the fact that i indeed never did respond to his phone calls, and making me feel bad, though i didnt mind helping him out anyway) we walked to my car... i told him how i remembered how different he was, how exceedingly intelligent and how behind his new style consisting of a danzig shit, long blonde hair, and a sick metal goatee i hoped he hadnt lost it. after he told me that sometimes things are said a little too late he looked at me and said:

"just remember one thing: whenever in doubt, always go left; never go right."

and im pretty sure this was all in the plan 6 years ago when i was reading my book, he said hello, and i got on a little canoe...



i ask you this: how can you not love this world?

?

and he said, "blah blah blah, blah blah." and i said "FUCK YOU." and he thought, nothing- and i thought, long; long and hard.

synchronicity.

i follow footsteps to the Water-

it seems i have been here before

the sounds of hushed voices reach shore and fall back to their homes.

we speak like this.

moving in and out of Ourselves-

watching vultures soar

and prey we are if we aren’t aware.



we find ourselves in communications of spirit.

a breeze gliding through the forest

fustling leaves and psychedelic pupil dilated rapture.

we feel it against our skins like an answered prayer;

a glimpse of truth.



fluid and life are abstract in my underwater world-

there is nothing,
(not even weight)

and these shoulders are light and strong and agile


and my essance is that of Hers and We unify and She brings me under Her velvet cloak.
We make love like this
We become each other and G-d is smiling.

i float on my back,

She lulls me to sleep in this kind of motion and my voice collides to shore.
someone else has heard me.
it seems she has been here before.


(a bit of editing needed, but really almost quite there)

who gives a shit. thats the real answer.

you teach me these lessons through specific people and its like this crazy beautiful synchronized thing. being disappointed in someone, "i thought you were...". even the people we respect become so very human when they aren't fully aware. we wonder, "how could this be?" and after much consideration and silence and smoke we come to realizations. "it does not work because..." and we are relieved of our burning ego's and distractions and the anxiety was for nothing and everything was nothing but it was just so beautiful to epiphanize (yup making up my own words) and grow. another stage. a hight level of consciousness. glory glory hallelujah.

the universe: a provider

so it goes something like this: if you put the intention out there, i mean really pure intention that isn't driven really by the ego, rather, the essence/soul the universe becomes your true provider.

on another note, i really enjoy my job- i couldn't even ask for a better one at the moment. its like the job title is just "be yourself linda" aha. all i have to do is really love them all (which is both energizing and draining). which led me to this sort of small epiphany tonight:

i was driving back towards roslyn dropping sharon off at her house and we were listening to this one song in particular (lived in bars by cat power) telling her these days its been my favorite song, how its so fun and wonderful and lyrically beautiful even though her words are depressing... you're happy and your sad and you feel everything

(and then a glimpse of the meditation retreat comes back and you remember her saying something along the lines of how when you are happy if you are completely present at the same conscious moment you see what is sad vice versa... how this is harmony)

somehow these thoughts ran through my head and it came together with the music and i realized i was feeling every emotion at the same time, continuously- and i felt, so very very alive.

Genesis:

This one at last,
Bone of my bones,
Flesh of my flesh-
i have already taken the bite:
and Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow.

untitled

i confer too much to the echos of my chest cavity-
we dilberate and I say
youre screwing me around,
my voice aint the same.

you speak to me in forms of pressure
a giant lump of mass
taking place of arteries and air and breath
my lungs-
about to collapse.

you rot away in containment.
you settle under concave bones and turbulance and you are screaming and laughing and maniacal in undertones of sobs and wails and

space

and you know no one cares to care
and your hands are only flesh
even touching makes way to a poem.