Saturday, October 31, 2009
right?
im feeling somewhat confused or rather at a loss im not really quite sure what is going on its like the days are blurred together and every one i say well tomorrow, well tomorrow and then tomorrow is here and then it becomes yesterday and now i just keep going thinking about these sorts of things about not smoking cigarettes standing on my porch debating myself when i give in anyway in t he swiftest motion. when language stops you can just go go go and not think or do. im really very tired.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Great Spirit Prayer:
"Oh, Great Spirit, whose voice I hear in the wind,
Whose breath gives life to all the world.
Hear me; I need your strength and wisdom.
Let me walk in beauty, and make my eyes ever behold the red and purple sunset.
Make my hands respect the things you have made and my ears sharp to hear your voice
Make me wise so that I may understand the things you have taught my people.
Help me to remain calm and strong in the face of all that comes towards me.
Let me learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock.
Help me seek pure thoughts and act with the intention of helping others.
Help me find compassion without empathy overwhelming me.
I seek strength, not to be greater than my brother, but to fight my greatest enemy
Myself.
Make me always ready to come to you with clean hands and straight eyes.
So when life fades, as the fading sunset, my spirit may come to you without shame."
Sunday, September 27, 2009
if i have ever done anything to hurt you
please find it in your heart to forgive me for i am truly and utterly beyond words, sorry.
“You can't undo anything you've already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest.”
“How does one know if she has forgiven? You tend to feel sorrow over the circumstance instead of rage, you tend to feel sorry for the person rather than angry with him. You tend to have nothing left to say about it all.”
“You can't undo anything you've already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest.”
“How does one know if she has forgiven? You tend to feel sorrow over the circumstance instead of rage, you tend to feel sorry for the person rather than angry with him. You tend to have nothing left to say about it all.”
keep on believing:
everything is alive so that I can be alive:
without moving I can see it all:
in your life I see everything that lives.
without moving I can see it all:
in your life I see everything that lives.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
when did you forget you were a flower?
"Elizabeth's voice had a door in it. When you opened that door you found another door, and that door opened yet another door. All the doors were nice and led out of her."
Friday, August 28, 2009
communication is not verbal-
today was my last official day of work at the long island Alzheimer's foundation. though i will most likely be staying with them for my internship this coming year i cant help but interpret all of this as something so much larger than what it seems to be to the typical human eye. this summer has, actually this 21st year ....7+7+7:
(In the Hebrew, seven ([b'v, - Sheh'-bah) is from a root word meaning to be complete or full. This can be clearly seen from the first time a varient of this word is used in the Bible..God rested on the seventh day because his work of creation was complete, entire, perfect. Thus seven represents this perfect completeness and also it represents rest, as in the rest that is taken from work. It is from this same word that the Sabbath, the day of rest comes. But as well as this spiritual perfection, seven seems also to be used in another way in scripture. Patterns of sevens run through the scripture more abundantly than any other number. Where patterns of other numbers run through a scripture it is often symbolic of something to do with that number, however patterns of seven about all through scripture to the extent that it could be seen as being a part of God's seal that the writing is indeed scripture. Thus seven might also be known as the number of God's seal. God rested on the seventh day because his work of creation was complete, entire, perfect. Thus seven represents this perfect completeness and also it represents rest, as in the rest that is taken from work. It is from this same word that the Sabbath, the day of rest comes. But as well as this spiritual perfection, seven seems also to be used in another way in scripture. seven is of course Spiritual perfection and so adequately represents the holy Spirit itself. seven is symbolically the seal of God in scripture and in the believer as well)
so getting back to my train of thought, this year has been almost an ending to the chapter of the first period of my life and is now taking on a completely different form (though with its background and past experiences) and developing into a whole different level of consciousness.
working at the foundation has not only helped my realize my healing in the physical realm but in the spiritual realm as well. its almost as if it has given me the greatest gift i have ever received (which is true that helping someone who will never be able to repay you is probably the best thing you can ever do, not only for the humility of it, but for yourself as well).
it is most interesting to me, that the people who are closer to death become more "real" because there is no time for nonsense, which is something i have understood my whole life.. and not nonsense in the fun nonsensical kind of way, but in the way of pretending to be someone you are not, or putting on a facade, or falling farther away from your essence for whatever reason you deem necessary. i suppose since my mother was ill this had all become very real to me at an early age and i have matured in that sense much faster than most people my age. if we release our ego, the negative aspects of the ego i mean, we become real and more tangible though people who have not experienced this will see it as more illusory it is only because they are living in their own illusion of how the world is and how they should be- when in reality all you have to be is completely yourself, that is what makes everyone a piece of the divine. it is hard for most i assume, as it has been a very tumultuous ride for me as well to get rid of this "ego" and perhaps not completely but to the extent where you develop this deeper understanding and you become more kind and compassionate not only to others but yourself as well because you really in your heart of hearts want everyone who is suffering to have this slice of heaven that is indeed in their grasp but so far out of their vision.
and so what im trying to say is when you communicate with someone, and i mean really communicate, you dont even really have to say anything at all- all you have to do is be comfortable with who you are and trust your inner knowing because that is all that is truth. in turn people (ie: my clients) feel this energy and love and compassion and words lose most of their meaning and instead we dance in this sort of energetic and spiritual realm unbeknownst to many humans who are too caught up in themselves and their own intimate lives that they will rarely experience this sort of larger than life beauty that is there if they just pay attention!
i find that i get along so well with older people, and i mean older, because they have already experienced this sort of beauty even if it took them 80 years to learn, we bond in this sort of "knowing". dont get me wrong i work with 80 year old people who still have no sense of it... but i can only feel sorry and love them anyway because they have never been able to experience this divinity.
this reminds me of a sentence in the book Of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera where he explains that things of delicate nature hold such beauty... i wish i had the exact quotation but i lent the book to jessica who is thoroughly enjoying it... and so rather i will leave this quotation instead:
"All human things of dearest value hang on slender strings"
-Edmund Waller.
above all else, always always trust yourself;
once you do, all of these things fall into place, you meet certain people, they say certain things, somehow you connect and communicate even when it seems impossible and, and, its all just so magical.
i met this boy about 6 years ago on the dock by the beach while i was reading a book. he was taking out his canoe and asked me if i wanted to go for a ride; i said yes, knowing somehow this moment was supposed to happen and he rowed us all the way across the bay to this beautiful country club... i gave him my number knowing he was interested and that i would probably never call (something in my young days when i felt too guilty to just say no) anyway, we ran into each other last week at the same spot at the same beach, and i remembered him... after brief conversation, and him asking me for a ride (rather, bringing up the fact that i indeed never did respond to his phone calls, and making me feel bad, though i didnt mind helping him out anyway) we walked to my car... i told him how i remembered how different he was, how exceedingly intelligent and how behind his new style consisting of a danzig shit, long blonde hair, and a sick metal goatee i hoped he hadnt lost it. after he told me that sometimes things are said a little too late he looked at me and said:
"just remember one thing: whenever in doubt, always go left; never go right."
and im pretty sure this was all in the plan 6 years ago when i was reading my book, he said hello, and i got on a little canoe...
i ask you this: how can you not love this world?
(In the Hebrew, seven ([b'v, - Sheh'-bah) is from a root word meaning to be complete or full. This can be clearly seen from the first time a varient of this word is used in the Bible..God rested on the seventh day because his work of creation was complete, entire, perfect. Thus seven represents this perfect completeness and also it represents rest, as in the rest that is taken from work. It is from this same word that the Sabbath, the day of rest comes. But as well as this spiritual perfection, seven seems also to be used in another way in scripture. Patterns of sevens run through the scripture more abundantly than any other number. Where patterns of other numbers run through a scripture it is often symbolic of something to do with that number, however patterns of seven about all through scripture to the extent that it could be seen as being a part of God's seal that the writing is indeed scripture. Thus seven might also be known as the number of God's seal. God rested on the seventh day because his work of creation was complete, entire, perfect. Thus seven represents this perfect completeness and also it represents rest, as in the rest that is taken from work. It is from this same word that the Sabbath, the day of rest comes. But as well as this spiritual perfection, seven seems also to be used in another way in scripture. seven is of course Spiritual perfection and so adequately represents the holy Spirit itself. seven is symbolically the seal of God in scripture and in the believer as well)
so getting back to my train of thought, this year has been almost an ending to the chapter of the first period of my life and is now taking on a completely different form (though with its background and past experiences) and developing into a whole different level of consciousness.
working at the foundation has not only helped my realize my healing in the physical realm but in the spiritual realm as well. its almost as if it has given me the greatest gift i have ever received (which is true that helping someone who will never be able to repay you is probably the best thing you can ever do, not only for the humility of it, but for yourself as well).
it is most interesting to me, that the people who are closer to death become more "real" because there is no time for nonsense, which is something i have understood my whole life.. and not nonsense in the fun nonsensical kind of way, but in the way of pretending to be someone you are not, or putting on a facade, or falling farther away from your essence for whatever reason you deem necessary. i suppose since my mother was ill this had all become very real to me at an early age and i have matured in that sense much faster than most people my age. if we release our ego, the negative aspects of the ego i mean, we become real and more tangible though people who have not experienced this will see it as more illusory it is only because they are living in their own illusion of how the world is and how they should be- when in reality all you have to be is completely yourself, that is what makes everyone a piece of the divine. it is hard for most i assume, as it has been a very tumultuous ride for me as well to get rid of this "ego" and perhaps not completely but to the extent where you develop this deeper understanding and you become more kind and compassionate not only to others but yourself as well because you really in your heart of hearts want everyone who is suffering to have this slice of heaven that is indeed in their grasp but so far out of their vision.
and so what im trying to say is when you communicate with someone, and i mean really communicate, you dont even really have to say anything at all- all you have to do is be comfortable with who you are and trust your inner knowing because that is all that is truth. in turn people (ie: my clients) feel this energy and love and compassion and words lose most of their meaning and instead we dance in this sort of energetic and spiritual realm unbeknownst to many humans who are too caught up in themselves and their own intimate lives that they will rarely experience this sort of larger than life beauty that is there if they just pay attention!
i find that i get along so well with older people, and i mean older, because they have already experienced this sort of beauty even if it took them 80 years to learn, we bond in this sort of "knowing". dont get me wrong i work with 80 year old people who still have no sense of it... but i can only feel sorry and love them anyway because they have never been able to experience this divinity.
this reminds me of a sentence in the book Of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera where he explains that things of delicate nature hold such beauty... i wish i had the exact quotation but i lent the book to jessica who is thoroughly enjoying it... and so rather i will leave this quotation instead:
"All human things of dearest value hang on slender strings"
-Edmund Waller.
above all else, always always trust yourself;
once you do, all of these things fall into place, you meet certain people, they say certain things, somehow you connect and communicate even when it seems impossible and, and, its all just so magical.
i met this boy about 6 years ago on the dock by the beach while i was reading a book. he was taking out his canoe and asked me if i wanted to go for a ride; i said yes, knowing somehow this moment was supposed to happen and he rowed us all the way across the bay to this beautiful country club... i gave him my number knowing he was interested and that i would probably never call (something in my young days when i felt too guilty to just say no) anyway, we ran into each other last week at the same spot at the same beach, and i remembered him... after brief conversation, and him asking me for a ride (rather, bringing up the fact that i indeed never did respond to his phone calls, and making me feel bad, though i didnt mind helping him out anyway) we walked to my car... i told him how i remembered how different he was, how exceedingly intelligent and how behind his new style consisting of a danzig shit, long blonde hair, and a sick metal goatee i hoped he hadnt lost it. after he told me that sometimes things are said a little too late he looked at me and said:
"just remember one thing: whenever in doubt, always go left; never go right."
and im pretty sure this was all in the plan 6 years ago when i was reading my book, he said hello, and i got on a little canoe...
i ask you this: how can you not love this world?
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