thoughts.

1.  

On filling a bottle of water from the sink filter, I realize how much time i waste everysingleday doing mundane things and fulfilling my self prophecy.  I need to stop waking up at 3 p.m.

2.  

I had this dream the other night, the house (mansion) is reoccurring, but always changing and I am always confined to a certain wing of the place.  What I find most interesting though is the garden.  There is a lake; the shrubbery is unkempt but there are wild flowers, they're purple, and directly in front of where I am standing there is a wooden archway and a small opening leading to a bigger body of water, but there is no way across.  

I am sitting in a giant stadium, as was my entire graduating class.  We were watching the podium.  I saw myself, maybe pushing 5 years old, short black hair, a nervous face- my eyes were open and for a moment, I was her and I remembered all those things.

We all stand up, they all walk to the left.  In my confusion I run to the right.  I want to be with her; the lady points me to the opposite direction.  I turn and they are too far ahead, all of them. I scamper to the stage and whisk up the stairs and there is no one there.  

I don't graduate.

3.

The best kinds of communication, are in the depths of silence.

4

All this talk of houses leads me to leave you with one of my favorite excerpts so far from the novel House Of Leaves, I imagine I will leave some more as the days pass.

Then, no matter where you are, in a crowded 

restaurant or on some desolate street or even in the 

comforts of your own home, you'll watch yourself

dismantle every assurance you ever lived by.  You'll

stand aside as a great complexity intrudes, tearing

apart, piece by piece, all of your carefully conceived

denials, whether deliberate or unconscious.  And then

for better or worse you'll turn, unable to resist,

though try to resist you still will, fighting with

everything you've got not to face the thing you most 

dread, what is now, what will be, what has always come

before, the creature you truly are, the creature we

all are, buried in the nameless black of a name.

And then the nightmares will begin.

It could sound depressing, but I really like the element of youth and change; maybe it could be motivational instead- there is so much more to know.