i wish you all saw in me what i see in myself.
ha!
what a funny form of conceit.
not conceit,
i think,
just;
clarity.
today was fun. i went out with danielle de barbarac. nicole de loncre; whatever. i have to wake up in less than five hours and go to my last day at my internship... though i spoke to my field advisor and she told me she would find out if the nassau correctional facility (jail) has any social work internships for next semester! i can only hope so much that i get it. i also hopefully (fingers crossed) am setting up another open mic night- this one is only going to be poetry- at a bar. some 32 year old boy also slapped my cigarette out of my hand, which in turn proved to be a fucking HI larious experience when not a moment later danielle slapped him across the face. do you know what i think is funny? something i think most people dont really understand- the fact that someone could be so upset and agitated and angry at something i do or say when i dont give a shit. being such a wonderful person makes me feel bad that i dont care (the funny part) but sometimes the comedic genius overpowers that and i succumb to a primal earthly desire knowing i am better than everyone else. yup. i said it. i love love love making people feel good- but i (secretly) love love love watching certain people crumble in my hands when they deserve it. im turning into a serious brown person. i love the summer. woo woo yeeeee haw.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
living in disturbia
theres this really great quote from the movie waking life that i think just about sums up this feeling ive been having concerning my disappointments in human beings around the globe and their lack of human-being-ness:
"You can't fight city hall." "Death and taxes." "Don't talk about politics or religion." This is all the equivalent of enemy propaganda, rolling across the picket line. "Lay down, GI! Lay down, GI!". We saw it all through the 20th Century. And now on the 21st Century, it's time to stand up and realize, that we should NOT allow ourselves to be crammed into this rat maze. We should not SUBMIT to dehumanization. I don't know about you, but I'm concerned with what's happening in this world. I'm concerned with the structure. I'm concerned with the systems of control. Those that control my life, and those that seek to control it EVEN MORE! I want FREEDOM! That's what I want, and that's what YOU should want! It's up to each and every one of us to turn loose of just some of the greed, the hatred, the envy, and yes, the insecurities, because that is the central mode of control, make us feel pathetic, small, so we'll willingly give up our sovereignty, our liberty, our destiny. We have GOT to realize we're being conditioned on a mass scale. Start challenging this corporate slave state! The 21st Century's gonna be a new century! Not the century of slavery, not the century of lies and issues of no significance, of classism and statism, and all the rest of the modes of control... it's gonna be the age of humankind, standing up for something PURE and something RIGHT! What a bunch of garbage, liberal, Democratic, conservative, Republican, it's all there to control you, two sides of the same coin! Two management teams, bidding for control of the CEO job of Slavery Incorporated! The TRUTH is out there in front of you, but they lay out this buffet of LIES! I'm SICK of it, and I'M NOT GONNA TAKE A BITE OUT OF IT! DO YA GOT ME? Resistance is NOT futile, we're gonna win this thing, humankind is too good, WE'RE NOT A BUNCH OF UNDERACHIEVERS, WE'RE GONNA STAND UP, AND WE'RE GONNA BE HUMAN BEINGS! WE'RE GONNA GET FIRED UP ABOUT THE REAL THINGS, THE THINGS THAT MATTER - CREATIVITY, AND THE *DYNAMIC* *HUMAN* *SPIRIT* THAT REFUSES TO *SUBMIT*! WELL THAT'S IT, that's all I've got to say. It's in your court now.
verily, you should watch this:
i dont even know what to say. the whole concept of people who are easily brainwashed sickens me- i dont even think sicken is the right word, there is no word for it except to say id rather die than be around for that to happen- thats not true, id probably work some crazy underground job to have humans become real again... and then i would probably be assassinated.
sometimes i think i am one of the very very few who can grasp the concept of truth, and that the fate/weight of the world rests on my shoulders.
also, has anyone read the unbearable lightness of being? if not you should- you close the book and wonder what the point was and then realize you are still thinking about it 3 weeks later- it resonates. anyway, what i want to know is, for those of you who have read it, in the beginning they talk of beethovens piece, Der schwer gefasste Entschluss translated to "the difficult or weighty solution" does anyone have access to this or can download it and send it my way- i have been trying to no avail. i think the title is actually opus 135 in F major.
"The weighty resolution is at one
with the voice of Fate (`Es muss sein!'); necessity, weight, and value are three concepts
inextricably bound: only necessity is heavy, and only what is heavy has value. (33) "-carey henson literary review
i love pain. not in that creepy way, but in the way that it is so beautiful. everything "heavy" is what makes you a better person, what makes you more real and human and most importantly makes you grow as a person. i think if everyone appreciated what they have experienced more and left out the bitterness it can be a very spiritual experience. you will never know happiness if you never experience true suffering- yin and yang- and all of those other things concerning balance. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO KNOW- i thirst for it.
on another note, i pulled some muscles in my rib cage or something, it hurts.
"You can't fight city hall." "Death and taxes." "Don't talk about politics or religion." This is all the equivalent of enemy propaganda, rolling across the picket line. "Lay down, GI! Lay down, GI!". We saw it all through the 20th Century. And now on the 21st Century, it's time to stand up and realize, that we should NOT allow ourselves to be crammed into this rat maze. We should not SUBMIT to dehumanization. I don't know about you, but I'm concerned with what's happening in this world. I'm concerned with the structure. I'm concerned with the systems of control. Those that control my life, and those that seek to control it EVEN MORE! I want FREEDOM! That's what I want, and that's what YOU should want! It's up to each and every one of us to turn loose of just some of the greed, the hatred, the envy, and yes, the insecurities, because that is the central mode of control, make us feel pathetic, small, so we'll willingly give up our sovereignty, our liberty, our destiny. We have GOT to realize we're being conditioned on a mass scale. Start challenging this corporate slave state! The 21st Century's gonna be a new century! Not the century of slavery, not the century of lies and issues of no significance, of classism and statism, and all the rest of the modes of control... it's gonna be the age of humankind, standing up for something PURE and something RIGHT! What a bunch of garbage, liberal, Democratic, conservative, Republican, it's all there to control you, two sides of the same coin! Two management teams, bidding for control of the CEO job of Slavery Incorporated! The TRUTH is out there in front of you, but they lay out this buffet of LIES! I'm SICK of it, and I'M NOT GONNA TAKE A BITE OUT OF IT! DO YA GOT ME? Resistance is NOT futile, we're gonna win this thing, humankind is too good, WE'RE NOT A BUNCH OF UNDERACHIEVERS, WE'RE GONNA STAND UP, AND WE'RE GONNA BE HUMAN BEINGS! WE'RE GONNA GET FIRED UP ABOUT THE REAL THINGS, THE THINGS THAT MATTER - CREATIVITY, AND THE *DYNAMIC* *HUMAN* *SPIRIT* THAT REFUSES TO *SUBMIT*! WELL THAT'S IT, that's all I've got to say. It's in your court now.
verily, you should watch this:
i dont even know what to say. the whole concept of people who are easily brainwashed sickens me- i dont even think sicken is the right word, there is no word for it except to say id rather die than be around for that to happen- thats not true, id probably work some crazy underground job to have humans become real again... and then i would probably be assassinated.
sometimes i think i am one of the very very few who can grasp the concept of truth, and that the fate/weight of the world rests on my shoulders.
also, has anyone read the unbearable lightness of being? if not you should- you close the book and wonder what the point was and then realize you are still thinking about it 3 weeks later- it resonates. anyway, what i want to know is, for those of you who have read it, in the beginning they talk of beethovens piece, Der schwer gefasste Entschluss translated to "the difficult or weighty solution" does anyone have access to this or can download it and send it my way- i have been trying to no avail. i think the title is actually opus 135 in F major.
"The weighty resolution is at one
with the voice of Fate (`Es muss sein!'); necessity, weight, and value are three concepts
inextricably bound: only necessity is heavy, and only what is heavy has value. (33) "-carey henson literary review
i love pain. not in that creepy way, but in the way that it is so beautiful. everything "heavy" is what makes you a better person, what makes you more real and human and most importantly makes you grow as a person. i think if everyone appreciated what they have experienced more and left out the bitterness it can be a very spiritual experience. you will never know happiness if you never experience true suffering- yin and yang- and all of those other things concerning balance. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO KNOW- i thirst for it.
on another note, i pulled some muscles in my rib cage or something, it hurts.
the absolution of birds
There are things we, as a people, never talk about-
But this is an absolution and
I want you to know me.
The birds carry my secrets,
I whisper to them and they flutter off somewhere in the distant skyline-
Turning from a black spec to blue, disappearing-
Gliding on spirit-
My Sentiments,
Resounding in the wind.
My first bird came to me when I was four years old-
Iocking myself in the bathroom.
I remember it still-
Screaming, slamming, leaving.
Little old Linda,
In a corner of the bathroom-
Sweating on the tiled floor
There are no ways to drown out noise-
Even with the shower running
I can still hear it.
My brother cracks the sideview mirror of my mothers car with his skateboart -
My father found 76 extasy pills in his room and flushed them down the toilet,
Crying.
Bird two.
He slapped me across my face-
Finally I lunged my body towards his-
Told him he was good for nothing.
I got a three pages of apologies the next day from my father,
Somewhere amongst my greatest possessions-
I still have it.
Bird three.
Amongst my panic attacks, the pacing, and the fetal position there have been millions of sparrows.
He told me he loved me-
13 more birds.
Then there was My mother-
My most prized treasure, my secret keeper-
Who Became my most beautiful song-
She tells me she is dying -and
As a grown adult I grapple to her legs and wish to peel every inch of my skin off
Screaming G-D
I DON’T WANT ANY MORE FUCKING BIRDS.
I only want a voice.
I am no venus de milo-
But I have nothing to hold onto
Another bird.
(Even silence slips through my fingers)
But this is an absolution and
I want you to know me.
The birds carry my secrets,
I whisper to them and they flutter off somewhere in the distant skyline-
Turning from a black spec to blue, disappearing-
Gliding on spirit-
My Sentiments,
Resounding in the wind.
My first bird came to me when I was four years old-
Iocking myself in the bathroom.
I remember it still-
Screaming, slamming, leaving.
Little old Linda,
In a corner of the bathroom-
Sweating on the tiled floor
There are no ways to drown out noise-
Even with the shower running
I can still hear it.
My brother cracks the sideview mirror of my mothers car with his skateboart -
My father found 76 extasy pills in his room and flushed them down the toilet,
Crying.
Bird two.
He slapped me across my face-
Finally I lunged my body towards his-
Told him he was good for nothing.
I got a three pages of apologies the next day from my father,
Somewhere amongst my greatest possessions-
I still have it.
Bird three.
Amongst my panic attacks, the pacing, and the fetal position there have been millions of sparrows.
He told me he loved me-
13 more birds.
Then there was My mother-
My most prized treasure, my secret keeper-
Who Became my most beautiful song-
She tells me she is dying -and
As a grown adult I grapple to her legs and wish to peel every inch of my skin off
Screaming G-D
I DON’T WANT ANY MORE FUCKING BIRDS.
I only want a voice.
I am no venus de milo-
But I have nothing to hold onto
Another bird.
(Even silence slips through my fingers)
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